Due to COVID-19 Pandemic many of us have felt emotional stress. I have experienced this when the first opening of the school year 2020-2021. I thought I was just tired and stressed. But lately I have noticed a big change in myself. I am no longer happy and I always seem tired. And this school year drained me. Since the beginning of the school year, I was tired right away, I don't know why, or maybe I got tired of the online class. I no longer listen to class discussions and I’m always absent minded. I barely learned this sem and I am no longer happy with what I 'm doing, I am no longer afraid of due dates.
Everyday when I wake up I always think that it’s just a normal day as yesterday, nothing new. I’m tired of being tired to the things I usually loved to do. I’m always feeling empty and lonely every time I’m alone. I got easily distracted and irritated. I can’t focus because I’m thinking negative thoughts. And sometimes I can’t breath properly cause my heart is heavy. Sometimes I ate to much and sometimes I don’t eat. Since I was young, it was hard for me to open up. I easily felt very sad because I was not used to share my problems and opening my thoughts to other people. If I have a problem, I just keep it to myself because I think about what they will think of me. I was afraid of what they would say if I share my problem.
I started thinking that I was not liked this before. I used to be cheerful and very eager. I used to be active in class even though I was weak in participation but I can still keep up, and tried hard to catch up because I don't want to be left behind. But now I no longer know why I became lazy to do activities. Maybe one of the reasons why I no longer feel like studying, is the online learning platform used. I don't liked the new platform because instead of helping us, it's just making things more complicated and I'm having a hard time keeping up because I only used mobile data. And it frustrates me because when the signal weakens, I will be automatically out of the teams and also some teachers lock the rooms that we can not join the meeting again. Another reason is being the older sister. Being the older sister it is your duty to teach your younger siblings. As an “ate” you need to help them doing their modules. I felt so much pressure by attending and doing my own staff at the same time teaching my younger siblings. I can’t concentrate cause I have many responsibilities at home. Being the older sister and being a student.
But I have learned that if you don't express your thoughts, it will accumulate. So I take the courage to take small steps to change. I want to get rid of this sadness and I want to go back to my old self. So I started reaching out to my family, and friends. Sharing my thoughts and problems to them. I’m trying to be more sociable to help me gain my confidence and to avoid being left out. I cut ties with negative people that don't do good for me. Also I’m becoming more positive in life and I always pray before I sleep that hopefully tomorrow I will no longer feel this kind of emotion. I have learned that being tired and sad is okay but being drown with it is not okay . I hope more people can overcome this feeling and I’m encouraging you to open up and speak up. Share what you feel and share what’s on your mind. Trust me once you’ve share what’s on your mind it will make you feel better. Always put in your mind that you are not alone and always look for the brighter side. Be happy and enjoy your life to the foolish.
Photo not mine
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