Another year is about to end. Almost two years now and we are still in a pandemic. I can't believe in just two years I've got so many things to realize in life. I've learned, relearn, and unlearn a lot of stuff by then. It's a life-changing experience I had along the way. My patience and strength were tested. Everything that I went through changed how the way I think right now.
It was a year ago when the pandemic started and I still can't imagine how hard it was when I was trying to adjust and adapt to the new normal. All I knew in the fast-paced society where everything that is happening around you is moving and changing too fast that you don't even have the time to self-reflect. Until a global pandemic was declared and we are forced to isolate in our own houses. I isolate myself in the room and there I overthink so much to the point I try to control the things I have no control of. And that's the time I became anxious. I don't even want to talk to anyone or be with my friends (even we are just neighbors). Even my family I don't mingle with them. It's just so draining to put my energy to speak or just be with them. I'm slowly losing interest in things I used to do. Literally in everything.
Until the year 2021 came, when my father got sick and was admitted to the hospital for several months. I was the one who took care of him even I have class at that time. I even skipped classes and had some missed requirements I didn't pass so I could fully put my attention on him. I almost failed my grade. My grade-conscious self crying in the middle of the night when everyone out there were asleep already.
Fast forward to the day when my father departed. I don’t know what to feel. I can’t even grief nor cry. All I know was I am numb. I was shocked and devastated. Days passed, I realized that I took the time for granted when he was still alive. I didn’t even take a spare time to be with him or with family. I regret that we didn’t have much time spent together. And that made me realize that I was selfish for thinking on my own. For zoning out and isolate in my room while I’m dealing in my own silent battle as well.
Months had passed; I'm still trying to condition myself for I can't function well. I try to distract myself through scrolling social media but only end up getting worse and unable to heal and feel the pain. Then I decided to read some self-help book entitled "The Daily Stoic" where there have 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. It's not a regular book you read in one sitting. It provides one passage a day that can be read in just a couple of minutes and meant to be reflected on and applied throughout the day. It helps me to cope up with everyday challenges and shift my thinking into something in a more positive way. Instead of trying to hold on to things I have no control of, I re-shift my thinking to detach myself from what I can't control. I read one page every day in the morning and tried to apply and relate to the teachings as much as I could. Truly, it gives direction and perspective about your life that will challenge and ask you the biggest questions about life. Indeed, it helps me to grow as an individual.
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