“Life has been so prodigious to me. I couldn’t ask for more. I thank God that I made to live this far,” I said.
In my younger and more susceptible years, my mother gave me some advice that I’d been turning over in my mind ever since.
“Whenever you hear a whispering wind that seeks help, never turn back your head, instead deal with it,” she told me, “just remember that all the people in this world have not had the advantages that you have had.”
She didn’t say anything, but we had always been unusually exchanging thoughts in a taciturn way, and I understood our underlying reason of our interaction that she meant a great deal more than that. In consequence, I felt that I was obliged to reserve all judgments, a habit that had opened up the very nature of my curiosity.
I lived in San Mateo St., Sinunuc, Zamboanga City. My mom and dad were the best parents I had. They worked hard for me just to satisfy my pleasure. I felt like the world was a perfect circle which bruises couldn’t be found. With no dubiety and skepticism, I thought that the universe was bearable in every angle. I even drew a conclusion that the judge above executed the best judgment that was incomparable yet irrevocable.
The practical thing was to look for a room, but it was a warm season. It was lonely for a day. When afternoon came, I headed to a place of unknown which I could barely recognize. But one idea that popped out in my mind was, “I had a familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with summer.” When I made my way back to the place where I belonged, away from the place of unknown, I saw a woman. In her haste, I told myself that there was so much to read, for one thing, about the surreal thing. So I decided to go home because I could not even take the discordance of the deserted place.
“Where have you been, son?” mom asked.
“I’ve been to an isolated place, mom.” I uttered.
“What did you do there?” directed her eyes on the ceiling.
“None. I was just wandering with no purpose with me,” I answered while my forehead started to create lines.
“Okay, son. You’d better take your lounge on the couch,” she said.
“Alright,” I responded.
When evening came, my curiosity started to bother me. I tried to abhor my thinking, but it didn’t work. I didn’t know why things got troubled in my mind. I could not sleep, the fact control. I coerced my eyes to cooperate with me because I wanted to have a long shut-eye. My eyes were cooperative, but my mind was baffled. It was hard to deal with a strange feeling, but I had to endure. I kept on thinking a lot. I dealt with it. Poof! I felt sleepy, so I slept.
“I had my back to the place of unknown. I felt like my body is the ruler without thinking of going somewhere. I saw building, huge and ravishing. The building had no door and window. But it had complete appliances. A woman letting her baby breastfeed. The baby was fair, above-board, and well-kept. I approached the woman and asked, “How old is your baby?” The woman did not dare herself to look at me. She kept unmoving. She was unresponsive. So I decided to move away from them. I was near the exit way when I heard something that sounded a little help. I had no sight towards the room, but suddenly, I felt that I would drift on forever asking, a little wistfully, for the odd turbulence of some irrecoverable encounter.”
The sun shone from the east, in the hopeful manner. It even gave me the urge to stretch my hands and to act like I was hitting someone’s face. I got up and had my breakfast. While I was taking my breakfast, I was talking to myself.
“I had a beautiful nightmare,” I exclaimed.
My mom asked me to buy ingredients outside. I had to obey her. I went outside. I looked for stores, but the stores were close. I couldn’t explain why the stores were not yet open. I was trying to go back home, but my body would prefer to go somewhere. My body ruled over my mind. I walked down the street and found myself again at the unknown place. I wandered around because I was so curious. Until I found a room. The room was damaged. But at the top of the door there was statement: “Gracia Room.”
I felt uncomfortable with the things I encountered. I could not help myself from adding something unusual things to think. But one thing was for sure, I heard a strident voice.
“Help!”
I heard someone shouting help. I didn’t pay a heed. I continuously wandered around the room until I saw a wind forming something which was vague for me.
“What’s happening?” my mind asked.
When I was heading near the cubicle, I stumbled because there was a blood on the floor. I didn’t notice. I started to think of what was going on inside the room. I was even wondering as to how the blood got on the floor, in fact no one was around. I thought of presuppositions because of the blood. The blood drove me to think more about strange things.
“Help, help, help!” raucously shouted.
I told myself that was no joke at all. I heard it. I heard someone asking a help. I even remembered my mom when she said to me to don’t hesitate to help someone. I wandered around the corners, but I could not find. I kept on looking for that someone. Until I got tired. So I had to rest for a short while. Since the chairs were dirty and with spider web, I decided to go to the cubicle and had my rest. There was a table. I lay down the table with my crossed arms for me to comfortably lounge.
“Help, please help me!” a strange voice.
That was bothering me. I just noticed that the sound was getting near. The sound was quavering. When I checked under the table, I saw a trash can. Inside the trash can, I saw a bloody, wretched, and pitiful baby.
“Help me, please!” The baby said.
I did not know if I was having a daydream. I could not believe.
“Am I dreaming?” I asked myself.
“No, you are not. I’m talking to you right now,” the baby responded.
“If this is real, tell me your name,” I uttered while my face was wondering.
“I don’t have a name. I wish I had,” The baby answered while her tears were falling down to her bloody cheekbones.
I could not believe that I was talking to a baby. I could not even think that the baby could talk either. That was a total peculiarity.
“Please give this to mom,” the baby had a request.
“How did you make this?” I asked.
“It doesn’t matter, just give it to mom.’ She answered.
“How will I find your mom?” I asked while turning my head back.
My mind was confused. But I abruptly had an idea. It was based from the things I observed yesterday when I saw a woman. In addition, my dream was ironically formed. Those ideas gave me the urge to look for the baby’s mother. I was handling a letter with me. I had my route back to home. When I was one step closer away from the place, I saw a woman crying a lot. I didn’t think twice to approach her because I had the feeling that it was her. On my way to the woman, I heard a whispering wind.
“It’s her. Thanks!” Wind whispered.
The woman stopped. I gave the letter to her. She didn’t bother herself to ask me about the letter. She just opened it and read.
“Dear Mom,
I am in heaven now, sitting on Jesus’ lap. I know we haven’t officially met yet, but I thought I would say ‘hi’ from inside your womb. Though the place was dark, it is also very comforting. There was not much to do, but I was constantly entertained by the sound of your harmonic voice. I loved the sound of your voice. Your whispering voice that could soothe me when I got troubled inside your womb. Every time you shared stories, I felt safe and happy. I didn’t understand about what you were saying, yet I couldn’t wait to comprehend it. The best was your laugh, mom. You didn’t do that often, but when you did it, I just was just amazed.
I had a feeling that life was pretty stressful when I heard the commotion around you. I knew the sound of your voice especially when you’re tired. I even thought of massaging you. I knew how your emotions ruled over you.
Why didn’t you want me? Was life fair? What did I do to deserve your rejection?
I could still remember when you had a talk with someone. It was not dad. It was not my sister either. I was so happy because I was finally going out from your womb. I wanted to meet sister and dad, and of course, you mom. But I was wrong. You were in pain after you had your talk.
Why did you let someone hurt you? I was worried, mom.
I saw huge 5 fingers towards me. I tried to move on the left side to avoid from the monster-look fingers. But fingers seemed to catch me. I kept on avoiding; however, since I got no choice, I had to let that someone get me, perhaps for me also to explore the world outside in the very early stage of my life. But when I was finally out, I felt that I was with a monster, slowly ripping my legs into four. It was really painful. I was asking for your help, mom, but you didn’t help me. Why? Why didn’t you help me? I know you were there when I had to endure the pain. I was crying so hard, mom. Mom, enlighten me about the monster who took my life away from me. And who took me away from you, dad and sister.
Mom, when I got in the paradise, I asked one of the people there since I heard the word abortion from you. I asked him, and he answered that I was too young to know about abortion. I was hurt. So much. My heart shattered.
Didn’t you know that I wanted to be a lawyer? I wanted us to be financially-free. I wanted to give you a better life. I wanted to be with you, my family. I wanted to create memories with you. I wanted to experience what children have been experiencing now in their lives with their family. I wanted to travel around the world with you. Why didn’t you allow me? Why?
Mom, if I were living with you with dad and sister, I would never get tired of saying how much I love you. I love you, mom. I love you, dad. And I love you, sister. I have forgiven, mom! Please consider my being as a family member.
Lastly, I wish I could take my life back from the monster just to be with you! And I wish I would have a permanent name like the other children. I love you!
Love,
Baby.”
When she read it, she cried a lot. She didn’t even attempt to ask me about the letter. She
felt that the letter was really coming from her child. I just tapped her shoulder just to make her soothe even in the partial way. And I even heard her saying, “I’m sorry, baby.” She really felt sorry for what she did. I felt it. Her tears didn’t stop from falling.
My conclusion was drawn. Life was not perfect. The other side of the world was
suffering. I felt blessed because I was given the privilege and honor to live with my family. So when I got home, I started fulfilling my responsibilities as a son. I uttered “I love you” to mom and dad. I learned how to unconsciously help the blameless ones.
Finally, the letter was from the blameless one. After all, I could even say that every abortion…
“One heart that will stop, two eyes that will never see, two hands that will never touch, two legs that will never walk and run, one mouth that will never speak, and one love that will never feel.”
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